• the second paper, human resource development was a shocker. the case study drained me out i swear and for a moment, i even regretted trying to contemplate and memorise answers i previously did cos releasing the case study earlier surely did not help as hell! section A was a breeze though and thank god i concentrated on 'evalutaion' else i'd have walked out of the exam hall barely after 1/2 an hour!

• the third paper, marketing research (MR) - let's just say if HR was a shocker, MR gave me a premature cardiac arrest! I had no freaking idea what i was writing about and if i even remotely manage to scrap through this module, i swear i'll start believeing in the existence of god! it was such a screw up, i've lost all motivation to start on the next paper, which apparently is also the last! u know how it is when u're approaching the end of exams. your psychological system already tunes its mind to the partying mode and u're left with almost zero energy to mug. well, i dunno abt urs but mine certainly has started doing its thing!

events & occasions taken place

• 30th was also my cousin's 21st birthday party, a small gathering at his place. i was actually intending not to go since i only had two days to study for my marketing paper but right after the HR paper, i saw mum's sms insisting i should go. and so i went. thank god for boyfriends who drive, guna offered me a ride to my uncle's place that evening and this i saved abt 13 bucks from clementi to sing ming ave. not forgetting the travelling time. haha. i'm a spoilt brat! and if u're reading this - "Happy 21st Birthday Kumz! Hope u had a blast!"

• alright, this may not exactly be an event or an occasion but i thought i had to get it down here. i am now a 'laksa' addict. so what, you may say but the point here is that i have never in my 22 years of life actually eaten laksa and my very first time was only 3 weeks ago and that too after much persuasion/coercion on guna's part! and guess what? i loved it and in this span of 2 weeks, i've had laksa 3 times!! haha, i know too much of something is always bad so i've put a hold on it but not for long, till i find another laska stall nearby. so far, i've tried the one in holland v, a hawker centre in jurong east,newton and a coffee shop off bugis village and i think the jurong east hawker centre serves the best! if anyone of you out there share a common interest in savouring laksa, u are always welcome to join me. heh.

• a post deepavali celebration was held at my place on the 4th. only called a few friends over and as i was writing up the list of whom to call, it hit upon me that as i grew older i'm only left with a few closed ones i actually hang out with. yes, i agree i've got tonnes of aquaintances everywhere i go but friends to call my own, the ones who'll go the extra mile for me, take the effort to give a call or sms to ask how i'm doing, the ones who'll literally cry along with me when i'm in pain or wipe my tears or give me advices till the wee hours of the moring? just how many of them did i have? only a handful. but the comforting part abt this realisation is that i'm totally comfortable and contented with this idea. with just having a few ard me who make up my small but precious world. i've got everything else i need in these few, what more do i want or can i ask for? i guess it's all part of growing up. hanging out in large groups, having fun during lunch, having dance practices, going for dance competitions, play, musicals, recitals, variety shows, expensive dinner, oogling at gorgeous guys from various schools and exchanging numbers, dating some of the 'sought after' men, being bitched abt becos u're liked by many, being a part of the 'cool' clique in school etc - i've been there, down that. serious. it may sound like i'm gloating but i'm not. that is the truth. but now, those are the last things i want. i want more from life, more out of life, more depth, more substance, less materiality, less superficiality. this is what i want now. what i want as a 22 year old.

amazing isn't it, growing up? it sure is. gives u a bird's eye view of life, everything starts making sense and falls into place. perfectly. ok, not perfectly but almost there. that's good enough, isn't it?

• the next thing i'm gonna write abt is not exactly and event/occasion but rather an issue which got me feeling a little too uneasy and doubtful abt truths; truths of all sorts. you see, i invited this small bunch of people over to my house last saturday as i mentioned in my 5th point earlier. and in this bunch is one girl who used to share this ' special' friendship with guna (yes, my boyfriend) during poly days but along the way, it diminished for various reasons that i don't exactly know. but it has been rumoured that if i hadn't became closer to guna at that same point of time as these 2 were friends, and if our friendship didn't lead to us getting attached guna might just have ended up with this girl. or so they say. don't ask me who 'they' are. they're just a bunch of typical indian mamas who waste their time finding for filth and distributing that filth to sources who relish in other's misery/sadness/sorrows/etc. i've got a simple question though. guna and i got together only after a year of being friends while he knew this girl way before he got aquainted with me. if he actually was in the process of asking her to be his girlfriend, just what took him so long? i mean, he had a year didn't he? whatever!

so anyway this girl came over too. though i've always sensed that she secretly bears a grude on me for 'coming in between them' she has never outrightly showed dislike towards me and i too, never doubted the sincerity of her friendship. after all, i knew her years before guna actually did and the both of us were very good friends. in fact, she was one of the few people who've actually seen me cry during the days of my break up with senthil and who was there, constantly asking me if i was alright. how things change..

that night, i came across her blog and to my disappointement she had actually written abt guna, abt how she missed the times she had with him and it pained her to be far away from him though he was right beside. even that wasn't so bad cos it was her blog afterall, and she was entitled to write whatever she felt. i mean who am i to say she is wrong. but the very last sentence in her blog left me with a queasy feeling the whole day; "whats yrs now might not be yrs the next second". this was what it said.

u know what hurts? the fact that i disregard the uncomfortable fact that she harboured some feelings of romance for my boyfriend, looked beyond that and treated her a good friend only to have it not reciprocated. there you are, right in my house wishing my boyfriend was yours. how am i supposed to feel abt that? and when i wanted to shrug off that feeling, vicky told me about something she overheard that very day which confirmed my suspicions.

so why do you give me compliments, casually ask if we're both doing ok, say u miss our times together, comment that both guna & i look good togther when u wish none of these were true? why do i always treasure the wrong people? sigh.

the boyfriend

• things between us blow hot and cold eversince forever. for every amazing day out, there'll be two days of quarrels but i've gotten used to that these days. it's inevitable for a couple not to fight and maybe it's time i put my happily-ever-fantasies aside and look at life as an adult. but either way, i've never been more in love with him than now. i love you baby, yes i do. heh.

plans for the holidays

• i seriously cannot wait for the holidays!!! i've got awhole list of items planned out and am awaiting to have them executed. i'm sensing that the most adventurous things will be done with my sim clique cos they're the coolest ever! lynette, rock climbing!! i have decided to put my fears aside and join both hongyan and yourself and of course the other million activities we have decided to get working on! can't wait at all! holidays, here i come! and that fact that hald my friends who are over the seas studying are coming back to singapore for the vacations brings another huge smile to my heart! it's gonna be an awesome end to the year, i hope. dad has even planned a trip to switzerland in the middle of december. hopefully all goes well!

alrighty, i really gotta head off now. have spent more then the designated time for blogging. time to hit the books again before waking up to a brand new day. hope u guys have a great week ahead.

toodles.