prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

it's sunday. yet another end to a boring week and start to a lifeless one. these days, i hardly have time to do anything for myself. everything is about school, school and more school! i'm so afraid i'll lose the motivation and drive i've held on to the for the first half of this semester. sheesh!

oh well, at least i'm holding on to it pretty well. marketing test was over on friday. phew! such a relief!! i'm finally done with the hr individual essay so that's one down. i've just completed my part for the marketing case study and have sent it to the rest of the group. if that turns out fine and all is in accordance, i'm done with marketing too. that leaves me with the hr group assignment and ethics and governance individual essay. madness!!

and my relationship with the boyfriend is suffering! nothing is wrong between us, just that time doesn't permit us to do the things we normally used to do and that kinda sucks. i miss the breakfasts we used have on weekends together, the prata hunts during the evenings we're both free and have nothing to do, the daytona sessions in arcades, our frequent movie marathons, embarassing pool sessions (i suck and he's like 'woah') where my ball actually bounces off to the table beside (ouch!), double dates with friends, sentosa, our second home, the phonecalls every night before we hit the bed (it's no longer existent for we have totally different bed times these days, no thanks to assignments and his reporting time to work), those sweet sms-es in the middle of the day.. argh, u know, just the simple times together. they've all stopped. gone. zero. no more. everything has changed. and i don't take to changes very well!!!

and all this has transformed me into a total bitch of a girlfriend. i find faults on a perpetual basis. even if they don't exist, i create one. i whine in self-pity about how we might as well break up since it doesn't feel like i've got a bf anyway. i hang up on him mid-sentence just so that a fight will erupt and i can say mean things ( i have no idea why but after the screaming match, i always end up feeling better. see, i told u i have transformed into a psycho bitch of a girlfriend). and as usual, it's always my fault cos when i cancel our outings he never complains, just says that although he's disappointed he knows that given a chance i'd kill to be out with him but it's just that there are other more important things like assignments that need my immediate attention. wa lau, i can never be so big hearted as him ok! never! he's always so cool and calm abt everything and that drives me crazy sometimes. we haven't met this entire week and he's totally alright with it. this simply makes me question his feelings for me. does he even care? how can anyone really be that nice? cos i can't and will never be even if i tried. you cancel an outing on me, i'll throw tantrums, reject your calls so that it'll piss u off, not speak to u for days, tell you that we don't have to meet ever again or give some sacarstic comments like, it's alright. nothing new. happens all the time anyway. just don't blame me if i leave u for someone else who has time for me. don't say i didn't warn you!

aarrrgggghhhhhh! who's right and who's wrong? i came to a conclusion - i love him more than he loves me, that's why i always over react and he doesn't. that means, the stronger the emotions are, the stronger the feelings of disappointment or regret, which he obviously doesn't feel.

i don't care if i'm wrong. i'm sticking to this principle! call me selfish, i just don't care! argh!

the mind tells me that we're all growing up and much more important priorites emerge in our lives. we can't always expect the care-free childhood days where everything was so flowery but the heart refuses to listen. i just can't accept it. i know he's not doing anything wrong and any woman wld probably love to have a husband like guna cos he's responsible when it comes to work and all but i don't need a husband now. i just want a boyfriend - the one who lets down his hair once in a while too.

why am i never satisfied? never contented? why am i so hard to please?!

and my social life is dwindling down the drain. will you believe it if i told you that i haven't been anywhere else except for school and tuitions the entire week? i haven't met nor spoken to any friend over the phone, i ignore friends on msn, never reply back to sms-es, i rush like mad from sch to tuition to home and back to school again. it's a bloody cycle and i'm just waiting to crumble. and in all these mess i've learnt something new about myself - i cannot handle pressure!!!!

life's supposed to mould me into a better person. i'm just being moulded into a cranky, grouchy, mean old fart whose way beyond recognition. i'm outta here before i lose myself!

Sunday, September 17, 2006
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