Monday, September 25, 2006
daddy's restaurant turned 12 yesterday!! it's been a good 12 years and the restaurant's doing better than ever! we had a blast during the celebrations but at the same time learnt alot about the outside, business world some of which wasn't at all very pleasant. i don't wish to get into details here so i'll just post up the pictures. after all, pictures paint a thousand words don't they?
and i have also learn that the westernized (ang moh) lifestyle is way different than our asian cultures and a part of me wondered if i'd ever fit into it one day. but the problem is - i do NOT want to be like them, i'm happy being the conservative old me. why do i say that? cos the 6 hours with them made me rethink a lot of things and i came to a conclusion - they do not have principles of any sort. that sorta makes them quite pathetic, to me at least. the invited guests last evening were some regular customers of the restaurant, most of whom were ang mohs and a handful of locals like us; chinese, indian and a few malays. oh and did i mention? there was even a gay couple and yes, they became my friends. one was anuwar and the other's nick and they're both 39. that was a total culture shock to me. i mean, i've always known that gays existed but being friends with them personally? i'd have never thought of that in a million years to come! but they were a bunch of really nice people actually. nicer than the normal ones! haha!
and there is a whole truckload of stories i cld tell you but i do not have the time for that now so i shall save it for a rainy day alright? enjoy the pictures! muacks!
Monday, September 25, 2006
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so much of good things had taken place but so have some really hurtful and upsetting things which didn't allow me to post up the happy entries the way i had intended to. but thankfully, they are all over now. thank you sivanesh and kumaran for making me laugh in the midst of the tears and really helpful advices. I hadn't realised that i had cousins who were great counsellors. thank you hema for always being there as an aunt aggie on msn . it's like u magically appear each time i'm in despair and say the right things at the right times. genius hema, remember? hee! and it's weird how we always go through the same kinda things. yes, this makes me wonder if indeed we were twins in our last lives.
and this goes out the a special lady who touched my heart on that saturday - kamini.
babe, u have nvr seemed to be the emotional sorta person since the time i've known you. i've always known you to be the happy-go-lucky kinda person and even if u were truly upset u wld plaster a smile on your face and walk abt as if it didn't really matter even if it did. naturally, i thought u didn't like to deal with emotions and the only times i saw u actually get really upset was during the times with the 'turban singh'. haha. i'm glad that's all over now cos u truly deserve someone so much better whose worth all your love and it certainly wasn't him. alright, i'm deviating. coming back to the point, i nvr thought i'd come crying to u on saturday but i did. and the fact that i mattered so much for you to give me a call all the way from australia and be on the phone to ask me what's wrong, for giving me a chance to tell u all that i wanted to, for not judging me based on all that i said, for telling me it's ok to cry and providing me with that valuable advices, you don't know how much that means.
and when u told me it hurt u to hear me cry, that made me cry harder. maybe because you never ever say that sorta things. kamini is always a clown, a joker, a cuckoo who takes life as it comes and when such sincere, meaningful words come from you - i swear i was touched beyond belief. thank you dee and i seriously can't wait for you to come back!
and finally lynette - we've gone through rough times and there's still some explaining to do on my part and maybe on your part too but i'm really thankful that the bigger part of it has blown over and we're back to being as normal. if i were u, i'd not have been that big hearted but u were and i thank you. when i say sim rocks, its truly becos of u and of course hongyan but u know it's your nonsense that i can't live w/o. every little thing that happens, i have to tell you. abt that kamini (a diff one)in our lectures, my new bag, new hair, new make-up, new phone, abusive boyfriend stories, indians and their disgusting habits at times, the copy cat retna and of course guna since calvin and him have SO much in common and what not. and only when that's done do i feel relieved! see how much u mean to me? the bus ride to town on saturday was really fulfilling and the sms that very night was worth even more. u know i love you though i claim otherwise. haha. and remember our book we were supposed to write together? "Don't Judge the Skin by it's Colour!" awesome! muacks!
now that we've gotten that out of the way, on a much lighter note; guna passed his driving! yes, at the first attempt and i've never been more proud. he deserves all these and more simply because he earned it the hard way while juggling so many things in between and of course. the financial commitments was no easy feat. oh well, it's all good now. so finally i have a bf who can drive me ard! yipee, can't wait!!
shall post up the pictures!
Monday, September 25, 2006
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Monday, September 18, 2006
- if you leave this world, you know i'll come with you.
cos there is nothing left for me after you're gone -
the heart's aching. the mind's a whirlwind.
last night was painful.
so much that it ripped my heart into a million pieces.
you have to tell us the truth. at the very least, look after yourself .
as i said, you are OUR world. mum's, sis's and mine.
Monday, September 18, 2006
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Sunday, September 17, 2006
it's sunday. yet another end to a boring week and start to a lifeless one. these days, i hardly have time to do anything for myself. everything is about school, school and more school! i'm so afraid i'll lose the motivation and drive i've held on to the for the first half of this semester. sheesh!
oh well, at least i'm holding on to it pretty well. marketing test was over on friday. phew! such a relief!! i'm finally done with the hr individual essay so that's one down. i've just completed my part for the marketing case study and have sent it to the rest of the group. if that turns out fine and all is in accordance, i'm done with marketing too. that leaves me with the hr group assignment and ethics and governance individual essay. madness!!
and my relationship with the boyfriend is suffering! nothing is wrong between us, just that time doesn't permit us to do the things we normally used to do and that kinda sucks. i miss the breakfasts we used have on weekends together, the prata hunts during the evenings we're both free and have nothing to do, the daytona sessions in arcades, our frequent movie marathons, embarassing pool sessions (i suck and he's like 'woah') where my ball actually bounces off to the table beside (ouch!), double dates with friends, sentosa, our second home, the phonecalls every night before we hit the bed (it's no longer existent for we have totally different bed times these days, no thanks to assignments and his reporting time to work), those sweet sms-es in the middle of the day.. argh, u know, just the simple times together. they've all stopped. gone. zero. no more. everything has changed. and i don't take to changes very well!!!
and all this has transformed me into a total bitch of a girlfriend. i find faults on a perpetual basis. even if they don't exist, i create one. i whine in self-pity about how we might as well break up since it doesn't feel like i've got a bf anyway. i hang up on him mid-sentence just so that a fight will erupt and i can say mean things ( i have no idea why but after the screaming match, i always end up feeling better. see, i told u i have transformed into a psycho bitch of a girlfriend). and as usual, it's always my fault cos when i cancel our outings he never complains, just says that although he's disappointed he knows that given a chance i'd kill to be out with him but it's just that there are other more important things like assignments that need my immediate attention. wa lau, i can never be so big hearted as him ok! never! he's always so cool and calm abt everything and that drives me crazy sometimes. we haven't met this entire week and he's totally alright with it. this simply makes me question his feelings for me. does he even care? how can anyone really be that nice? cos i can't and will never be even if i tried. you cancel an outing on me, i'll throw tantrums, reject your calls so that it'll piss u off, not speak to u for days, tell you that we don't have to meet ever again or give some sacarstic comments like, it's alright. nothing new. happens all the time anyway. just don't blame me if i leave u for someone else who has time for me. don't say i didn't warn you!
aarrrgggghhhhhh! who's right and who's wrong? i came to a conclusion - i love him more than he loves me, that's why i always over react and he doesn't. that means, the stronger the emotions are, the stronger the feelings of disappointment or regret, which he obviously doesn't feel.
i don't care if i'm wrong. i'm sticking to this principle! call me selfish, i just don't care! argh!
the mind tells me that we're all growing up and much more important priorites emerge in our lives. we can't always expect the care-free childhood days where everything was so flowery but the heart refuses to listen. i just can't accept it. i know he's not doing anything wrong and any woman wld probably love to have a husband like guna cos he's responsible when it comes to work and all but i don't need a husband now. i just want a boyfriend - the one who lets down his hair once in a while too.
why am i never satisfied? never contented? why am i so hard to please?!
and my social life is dwindling down the drain. will you believe it if i told you that i haven't been anywhere else except for school and tuitions the entire week? i haven't met nor spoken to any friend over the phone, i ignore friends on msn, never reply back to sms-es, i rush like mad from sch to tuition to home and back to school again. it's a bloody cycle and i'm just waiting to crumble. and in all these mess i've learnt something new about myself - i cannot handle pressure!!!!
life's supposed to mould me into a better person. i'm just being moulded into a cranky, grouchy, mean old fart whose way beyond recognition. i'm outta here before i lose myself!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
- squeezed between the two who love him like crazy! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- he is sssooooo cute right? dylan, my handsome! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- did i tell you? they are crazy about 'ultraman'! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- i'm feeding him durian and he's eating is with such vengence. haha! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- keegan, savouring every bit of that root beer he's NOT supposed to have. haha, we're mean. we spoil him rotten! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- gulp! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- and our not-so-pretty feet. muahahahah! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- outside ngee ann poly, after the show, with our make-ups meting under the sun. how glamourous! haha! -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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- the trio, anitha, punitha and sajeetha -
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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Monday, September 11, 2006
in the blink of an eye, the weekend has ended and the new week has begun. bleurgh!! i have no idea why but suddenly, the thought of school is making me so sick. maybe all the assignments are tests are finally getting to me. i'm succumbing to all the p-r-e-s-s-u-r-e! yikes!!
anyway, thank god there were no classes today. you don't come across cancelled lessons everyday and i was so grateful for today. got a whole lotta stuff done and i feel very satisfied but i still miss the weekend though.
saturday was 'aarathanaa' song finals and dance semis. i only stayed for the first half of the show, which is the song finals since anitha was one of the contestants and after the results were announced, we (anitha, punitha and myself) headed down to westmall for a good lunch since we were starving and 'bali thai' was the choice. the food was way, way, way better than 'thai express' and 'siam kitchen' and i will strongly recommend it to anyone who's game for a good thai meal with relatively inexpensive prices. it has been ages since we met up with punitha since she had been busy working the past year, saving up for her degree but now, though she is in the same school as me, doing the same course but a yr juinor still doesn't make it easy for us to meet. i look back and i sorta feel nostalgic about a lot of things, especially changes which aren't entirely in my favour. punitha used to be 'a vicky' to me last time. we were ALWAYS over at one another's place, crying on one another's shoulders in times of crisis, having double dates with our boyfriends, going for v'day shopping together, staying over in either one's house cramming for project deadlines, studying for exams together and what not. her family was mine and mine, hers. and after graduation from poly, we went our different ways. i started uni and she, worked to support herself and to save enough money for her degree. two years have passed, we are both with different men in a new relationship, we meet once in every 8 months maybe, and don't really know what's going on in our lives except for the rare occasions when we decide to meet up or sms one another. i feel so far away from her but the sad thing is, somehow the feeling of missing her has become a norm, like i'm immune to it. tsk, tsk. life and it's funny way of turning out!
anyway, after lunch i met guna for a movie. we caught 'little men' and i laughed till the walls of my stomach hurt like crazy. for a moment, i thought i even snorted. it was funny, really in a perverse and warped sorta way. much needed stress-reliever, that movie.
most of sunday afternoon and early evening was spent in queenstown library with guna. he had his exams coming up and me, truckloads of tests so we decided to mug together. you know, a form of consolation that you're not the only one suffering and there is someone who is going through the same thing? haha. i am such a meanie! anyway, those 4 hours in the library was very productive and studying with guna really made studying all the more fun. i've never done it before and never believed that studying with your boyfriend will do you any good cos we'll probably end up goofing around but it wasn't the case on sunday. i'm so proud of both guna and myself! yay! we're such disciplined students!
i was brain-dead from all that studying and needed a break so after guna left, i went over to my cousin's house to visit the 2 favourite little ones of my family, keegan and dylan. dylan is just ssssooooo cute la! i wish he was mine, really! and keegan is way too smart for his age. the questions he asks and the informations he shares with me, his err not-so-smart-aunty makes me cringe in embarrasment. he was actually shooting me with the fact file of an arwana (u know, the fish?) and all i cld do was listen intently and watch in fascination. he's only 5! now i'm really wondering how my kids are gonne turn out like! haha! anyway, keegan badly wanted me to bring him to ikea but since it was raining, anni (sister-in-law in tamil) said he couldn't so i've promised to bring him this weekend. hopefully the weather is better, then we can all go to ikea for some family shopping! how fun!!
kids, i absolutely LOVE!
and i hope dylan's eyes gets better. it pains to see the little kid like that. sigh.
Monday, September 11, 2006
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Friday, September 08, 2006
the devil wears prada. nice, nice movie. went to catch it with vicky!! haven't met that pandi in weeks, two to be exact but after seeing someone for practically everyday two weeks of absence feels like abstinence. haha. missed her, missed her nonsense man but most importantly, missed her 'sajeetha, i will never find a boyfriend in this lifetime la. confirm will be left-on-the-shelf'' whines. hahaha, i'm so gonna get killed but babe, you know that in time to come your prince charming will come and sweep you off your feet like noone has ever done before. you don't have to look for it, it WILL come to you and at that time, we'd all probably be envious of you! heh. and it's great that your life has been a bed of roses without the intervention of the male species lately! yay! keep it going yea?! *tight, tight hug!*
we'd made a promise to one another that we'll meet less, talk less and concentrate more on school this term so as to achieve the desired GPA so that we can graduate with a first class honours and true to our words, we've been. we deserve a pat on our backs, don't you think vicky? i'm really glad that the going has started off in the right foot and as what they say, the start is always very important for the end and we've overcome that hurdle i hope. i swear i've never studied more this sem than any other sem's in my entire schooling life. haha. hopefully the other two, jay and kamini are doing good too so that when we reunite during the holidays we can genuinely let our hair down and paint the town red without having to worry about our results!
and i got my new pair of specs! that too, a gift from daddy which cost him a good $330 and i love it. very, very the nice leh, really. vicky saw it and said so too. so this mean, i am going to be switching from contacts to specs again and flaunt my oh-so-funky new specs! see, yet another reason why dad's THE best! now i've pretty much gotten most of the things in my wish list - that oh-so-gorgeous watch from espirit which my sister dearest got for my birthday, that really nice black converse bag which i bought under uma's influence, which of course i'm not regretting, the new pair of specs courtesy of dad, a new wallet bought by radhiyah and dee for my birthday and the crumpler which guna'll be getting for me next week! yay! now i'm left with the i-pod nano, new birks, the NUM jersey and that digital camera! i'm such a spoilt child aren't i? no la, i'm going to save money and it get it by myself k!!
alright, am gonna keep mum company. she's watching tv by herself, i shall go disturb her. haha, i love doing that. have a great weekend ya'll! till later..
Friday, September 08, 2006
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- my knight in shining armour and his damsel in distress. haha. nah, he's my MY BEST FRIEND, MY SPECIAL MAN, above all my dad. i love him ttttttttttttoooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!! -
Friday, September 08, 2006
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cheers to another friday! yay! i love fridays for 2 reasons - one, because i've got no classes on that day and two, simply because it's the end of that tiresome week. heh.
something really bitter and nasty happened on wednesday. remember i mentioned i stopped tutoring for one of my tuition kid, kevin? well, his parents owe me outstanding tuition fees of $360 and were supposed to pay in mid-august itself. but due to some unexplainable reasons, the father told me to bear with him a little longer and that'll he'll pay up by the 5th of this month (sept). not wanting to seem like some unreasonable, greedy person i said ok. and the 5th came but there was no message or call from him regarding the payment so i messaged the wife (since i usually alias only with her). that bloody woman totally disregarded my sms, refused to pick up my calls and neither did she return back the ones she missed. total moron. typical indian dickhead metality. shying away from payment, pretending to be ignorant, thinking that after awhile i'll get sick of asking them to pay and give up. well, too bad for those assholes i'm not going to stop till i get my pay. the one i spent time travelling, utilizing my energy after a hard day at sch, the one i sacrifice my social life for to earn. no way. i have had enough of these disgusting indian families cheating me off my money.
and so the following day, i messaged her back again this time a little more firmly but definitely not rudely.
me: hi. i am assuming you do not have a habit of replying back to messages? i asked abt my outstanding fees. i was told by your husband that it'll be settled by the 5th and today is already the 6th but there has been no calls nor msg from either one of you. maybe the least you cld do out of basic courtesy is to inform me instead of being ignorant. if u can't transfer it to my acct as i said yesterday in my message, i can come over to collect my pay. thank you.
reply: (from the wife's hp number) hello, i heard u said my wife has got no manners. can u pls mind your words. don't need to be so rude. i will pay you on the 9th. next time, you better be more courteous. it's better for you. and how can my wife message you when i was having her hp? so don't anyhow say.
that's it. such a fucking asshole. i was totally fuming mad. here you are, owing someone 2 freaking months of outstanding tuition fees and you talk as though i owed u a bloody living! wa lau, preposterous!!! and when the hell did i say his moron of a wife was rude, i merely stated that she shld have called out of courtesy. pig face! argh! and so i retaliated, rather annoyed this time ard. that dog asked for it, i swear!
me: excuse me! mind your words and don't you use such language with me. i'm not your wife nor do u have any rights over me. pls re-read my message throughly and absorb the meaning before you throw ur words. i am assuming u have a rather weak grasp of the english language cos u seem to have misunderstood my meaning. anyway, i messaged ur wife last night. not today when u are having her phone and even if u are having it, aren't u her husband? don't u back home to her? i am sure u wld have conveyed the message. if u don't wanna deal with me, by all means just pass the money to my aunty (they are neighbours with my aunt) and i'll take it from her. i don't think i want to have anything to do with you or your family ever!
reply: firstly, stop lying. you never messaged my wife regarding the pay. and secondly, you need not have doubts if i am her husband. i am. don't manipulate the messages and stop asking me to reread my english. i know what i sent you and what i read. it's not as though i am going to run away with your money. i will just give it to u when i feel like it (such a fucker, right?) and look here, i am not the ignorant type!!
ok, by this time i've already snapped. not being able to take it any longer, i called my dad. i had already told him abt this rather disgusting family before and how i stopped tuition because something abt their house gave me this sleazy vibes and everytime i went over, there were some strange looking men in the house with tattoos all over which majorly freaked me out. anyway, i told dad what happened from the start and dad asked me to stop messaging him and ask me to tell that fellow to call dad instead. he'll settle it for me. and so i did but not before i said some nasty things further. i had to satisfy my anger, didn't i?
me: loser, get a life. aren't you ashamed of youself? you are so childish. you're a 30-0dd year old man and here you are arguing with a 22 yr old student. haha, so freaking childish! and for your information, do u think i seriously care if u're her husband or if she is your wife or if the both of you are having an affair? that's none of my bloody business! and look here, i do not gain anything by lying that i messaged you regarding the pay. i think you and your family are a bunch of liars, maybe that's why you think that everyone else ard are as low-lying as you. sadly, i am bred in a much dignified manner than you thus i'm very sorry to have disappointed you! anyway, i have told my dad abt your nonsense and he has asked me to stop aliasing with you. if you have the guts, call him. he'll settle the matter with you. this is is number 9*******. and if u dare to message another time, u be assured that'll lodge a complaint against you for harrasment. don't try me and don't think u'll intimidate me because u're older. good bye!
argh, just typing the incident out makes my blood boil!! and that was it. that tamilan dickhead didn't msg me back but had apparently called dad. dad told me that he promised to pay me by the 9th ad he actually apologised to dad for calling me a liar and all cos after all, the msg that i sent him was stored in my sent items. who was he kidding?! i dun know exactly how it went cos dad didn't say much but one thing he did - "sajeetha, this is life. there are so many con-man out there and though it's been a bitter experience, i'm glad u've come across such things cos it'll make u realise that life isn't all that fair and just. isn't all that easy. this is only one incident. there is so much more in life to learn".
how right, he was. this incident was really a culture-shock to me, how people twist and turn their words, try to cheat people and can even act as though they are in the right when they are absolutely not. not a single ounce of integrity.
but that was not what i wanted to highlight in this entry. the fact that i run to my dad each time i had a problem, it made me think. you see how he's my pillar of strength. dad is the only one i know who will NEVER let me down, NEVER let me stumble and even if i did, he'll be there to pick me up. and he's the one man i know will always be there for me and it's only because of him that i even have the courage to embrace life and it's challenges cos at the back of my heart and mind i know that he'll be there to catch me when i fall. like u know, he's my strength. he always has the answers. i really don't know how to put it explicitly in words but i'm sure you get my point. but what scares me, when he is gone one day, what happens then?
my whole world will be crushed. and sometimes i think i'll literally die the next moment, he leaves the world. i cannot imagine a life w/o him. and that's the ultimate truth. maybe my future husband might try and take his place but the problem is, i don't want anyone to take his place nor will i allow anyone to. it's dad and only dad who can be my special man.
this sucks. i am crying as i write this post. i don't even know why. all i know is - my dad. my knight in shining armour.
Friday, September 08, 2006
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- and more, courtesy of mister gunaraj -
Friday, September 08, 2006
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- i really didn't wanna pose but the boyfriend was so adamant la. and worse, he refused to posde with me cos he said he was better at taking photos then posing for them. hmpf! -
Friday, September 08, 2006
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- a summary of some of the planes we saw at the 'RSAF Open House 2006' at Paya Lebar Air Base. It was rather educational, for a total aeroplane idiot like me. haha -
Friday, September 08, 2006
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
- the rest of the day was spent bikini-shopping, just shopping, self-pampering and lotsa cam-whoring. i want more, more, more! -
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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- the look of horror! i would have never posted this on a normal day cos it's so unglam but i thought, what the hell. at least u can see for yourself just how shocked i was! hehe. it was jeanette's turn later! -
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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- yes, the madness that came with opening the presents. only they can come with such nonsense i tell you. and of all places, i had to open it in a public place. imagine my horror! -
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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- this was not at all intended. i was totally enjoying my food and happened to look up when lynette took that look-at-me-i-am-a-glutton pic! i must say, she knows when to take the best candid photos.haha -
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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- the very first program on the agenda that day; doing what we love best - PIGGING OUT! the food was oh-so-delicious! -
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
phew! i've finally gotten some time in my hands to blog. i really need some time, even if it's a few minutes, to do my own personal stuffs, blogging included. heh.
let's see. last friday was so much fun. the sim gang had planned a post-birthday lunch for me, in the name of shopping but unfortunately, only jeanette, hongyan, lynette and myself cld make it. i mean, how cld i not? i was the VIP anyway, wasn't i lynette? hehe. nevertheless it was such a fun-filled day. i thought i was THE shopping queen but on friday, i realised i wasn't anywhere close as compared to lynn! and the highlight of the day? the birthday presents! wld you believe it if i told you that these gundus wrapped the presents in between a PAD? yes, a PAD, those that females use when they menstruate. i am 100% sure that it's solely lynette's idea! i was so shocked when i saw it, you have no idea how much. surely a memorable birthday. haha.
and the MANICURE session! i think i was the only one among the 3 who has ever had a manicure done and answering their most clueless questions abt it was hilarious. if only hongyan and lynn had more time to spare, all of us cld have gotten one done. jean's was as pretty as mine. hee! i truly had a wonderful time that friday. i take back my words. i love sim and i'm gonna miss every single thing abt it, especially the people when i leave but i do hope the bond that we have fostered over these 2 years will be here to stay. especially with hongyan and lynn. i mean we all know i'm closest to the two. and u both, if you are reading this entry - I DO NOT HATE JEANETTE! -
i am waiting for another outing with the gang in october, during the 3 week study break. i've been wanting to go to either 1, rochester or giraffe for a long, long time and what cld be better than going with a bunch of monkeys? hehe. well, so much for a friday.
saturday was mostly spent at home, except for the morning and the earlier part of the afternoon where i was over at guna's place. his aunt had asked me to fetch her kids (2 of them, a boy and a girl) from her place and bring them over to guna's place to baby-sit them for a few hours since she had to attend to an emergency, which i apprently did. guna's aunt just lived a few blocks away from him so i met the kids below their block at 10am, bought breakfast from macdonalds for them, guna and myself afterwhich we walked to his house. the mum had passed an extra key to me the day before, so we had no problem going in. guna's parents were at work and he was still asleep. not wanting to disturb him i got the kids to settle down and made sure they finished their breakfast when i got a call from guna. this was so funny - he said the usual good morning and went on to ask me where i was. i told him to come out from his room and yes, he was pleasantly surprised. we had breakfast together while the kids watched tv. after breakfast, the kids wanted to play monopoly so i joined them while he went to continue with his assignment. when the kids got tired of monopoly, i got them to do their homework, helping them along the way when his mum came back from work. we chatted for awhile, had lunch and i took my leave shortly.
it was such a simple day yet it just felt so good. it felt like we were married and in 5-10 years time, this will probably be what we'll be doing but i didn't let my thoughts run wild. i've learnt from my first relationsip never to plan or build dreams in advance cos if they don't materialise, all you'll feel is heartbreak so i stopped myself from wishing for anything. i was contented with today and today is all i'm willing myself to dream about.
well, sunday was yet another beautiful day spent with him. the plan to meet was rather random and sudden since it has never been a habit for us to meet on sundays for i've strictly allocated it for my family and family alone. he knows it too but i guess this had a purpose. the night before, on saturday, he messaged to ask if i would like to follow him for the 'RASF Open House'. rather interesting. i've always wanted to watch the ariel displays, where the pliots perform some stunts with their planes but never got a chance to so this was really tempting and knowing guna's passion for the 'metallic birds', i knew my presence wld mean a great deal. so i said yes.
and i'm glad that i did cos it was so educational and entertaining. this was definitely out of the normal range of activities i usually did and i didn't think i would have loved it as much as i really did. the weather was terrible and there were a whole lot of people squashed into that air base yet i didn't feel like leaving at all. the noise, crowd and heat only added to the excitement. i took a lot of pictures but not with the pilots or a specific plane simply because the queue was so damn long. oh well, at least i had fun. that's the ultimate issue for me.
after the open house that day, i learnt alot about guna's work and his job scope. i learnt the fundamentals of being an aviation specialist. that's his vocation and trust me, it's not all that easy. now i'm able to understand why he always says he's tired, why he needs to get his 8-9 hours of sleep, why he hangs up on me earlier, why he seems spaced out most of the weekdays, why he's so dark these days (mean, i know but it's the truth), why he seems grouchy and irritable certain times, why he snaps for no reason at all and why he's always busy. if only he had explained it to me earlier, i wld have empathised with his situation. i wld have realised that he did all that he did not because he wanted to but simply because he had to. but i'm glad i got to know it at least now. as they say, it's better late then never right? now, i am able to appreciate the things he does for me, much more. he doesn't have to meet me on weekdays, after work when he cld go home and rest yet he does. he doesn't need to send me to the mrt station after tuition though it's only 6 minutes away from the kid's place and even if he does come, it's only going to be for a good 15 min cos i'll have to be home yet he does. he doesn't have to but he does. to him, seeing me for that mere 15 min was important. earlier, it didn't make sense but now it does. i cld go on listing a few more examples but i'm sure it'll bore you so i'll stop. but the real issue here is - i was so keen on wanting to see big changes, surprises and appreciation that i became ignorant to the smaller ones. the ones that really mattered. the ones that really had value. the ones that contained the subtlety of love.
i love him. really.
and i feel really bad for saying all the things i've said to him in a fit of anger before.
i was so unappreciative yet i kept complaining that he never appreciated me or my presence.
i whined that he never took the efforts to make me feel important when all along, it was me who reagarded him as unimportant.
shame on me.
the trip on sunday opened my eyes big.
and big they'll remain.
and for my readers, here's a word of advice; never disregard the little gestures or actions of a loved one for they might have so much of love embedded in them. you just never knew. look harder, you might not be able to see it but u will feel it...
think abt this - you have a boyfriend who buys you roses everyday, bring you to posh restaurants for dinner, buys you expensive presents but at the end of the day, you find out he's been cheating you with your best friend?
on the other hand, you have a boyfriend who is always busy with work, has not much time for you, doesn't always surprise you, buys you expensive gifts or brings you to expensive restaurants for dinner but you are his world..
which is your pick?
you decide.
it's your life after all.
much love, sajeetha.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
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