prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

with a heavy heart, i type this entry. as i click furiously on the keyboard, i can only wonder how someone whom i thought was a true friend, without any confrontation, assume that i cld be so evil as to do such a thing to her. if what i've assumed is indeed right.

yesterday, i realised something was strange yet simply couldn't put my finger to it. then i retracted back to the last conversation we had online and remembered i has said something abt her boyfriend (jokingly, of course and it has always been a way we disturb one another) and thought that had been the reason why she had been aloof with me the whole time but today, as i read her latest entry i realised that it had to do with more than that and that i had thought wrong the whole time.

there is alot of explaining on my part to do, i agree. and dear friend, if u are readin this, u will get the answers that you want by tomorrow and after that u will realise i have not in anyway betrayed your trust and there was no way in hell i cld bear to do that to you, whom i hold so dear. whoever is supposed to do the explaining will call you and after that we'll have a talk of our own.

u know what hurts? the fact tt u didn't trust me enough to confront me abt it and instead dropped hints to point a finger at me. i was rather taken aback last night but really had no idea why u were so strange to me and only after reading ur entry did i realise that something was amiss and did some finding out on my own. and when i asked u if u found out who did that to you, u practically snapped ur head off at me. i was rather startled but it got me thinking if u actually suspected ME of doing it but i dismissed that idea and went abt doing my own work reasoning out that u probably had a bad day. nope, indeed i was very wrong. u WILL get an explanation and that is the least i can do on my part but i can only tell you one thing - it was NOT me who did what u probably are assuming that I did.

i am not perfect with my language as well u know? i always have thought that there are millions of people out there who are brilliant in expressing their thoughts in words and i was nowhere near them and really, who am i to judge you? and most importantly, its you, like u mentioned, someone whom i've laughed and cried with; do u seriously think i'm a cold hearted creature? at least i'm glad u mentioned somewhere that u still do not believe it was me who did it cos u thought right. that, gives me back a spark of life. really, what do i gain by dissing you?

and to YOU, the creater of all this mess i have already given you her number to sort things out yourself! u do it and get back to me and we'll discuss where out friendship stands after that. i'm very, very disappointed in you and this joke u played my friend, am afraid that it backfired on you. you just lost yourself a very good friend, me. but then again, u made me lose one. so i guess it's all fair. karma, don't you think?

after everything has been said and done, i don't know if i will be able to treat things as normal and go back to the way we were cos after all, the hurt runs deep only if someone meant alot to you and this case is no different. i know u're not to be blamed cos u reacted based on the information u found but i wld have appreciated it if u came to ask me abt it. it seemed like u were convinced it was me. is that really how much you thought abt our friendship? sigh. but maybe a strong friendship will withstand the most brutal tests? i dunno. we'll let time decide. for now, i'm going to bed with a very, very, heavy heart.

i'm gonna lose 2 friends in a day.

is there a logic? a rule to all these coming and going? all these dislocation? is there a way to stay put, to embrace the present with every cell?

i can only wonder....

Friday, July 28, 2006
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