prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

i have got a thousand things i wanna blog but i just dunno how to start. abt my foreign exchange programme over in the states and the dilemma i'm in regarding leaving , a sex clip of a fellow friend which has been circulating and the ooos and aahs abt it, my relationship with guna, school, tuitions.. sheesh, just where do i start?

ok, let's talk abt my exchange programme. it's an exchange programme in the united states of america for a period of 6 months. yes, it sounds really exciting and the thought of being in a new country with new people, new environment, new culture and everything else new makes me wanna jump at the opportunity but at the back of my mind, the thought of leaving my family, especially my sister, my friends, guna, my comfort zone and everything else familiar makes me shudder.

if i decide to leave, will i ever want to come back after i've tasted the other side of the world? wld singapore be no longer good enough for me? will i become too involved in the present and neglect my past? will i hurt and anger my parents and rebel against coming back? then i come to my relationship. i admit there are times i feel like i wanna break free from the commitment cos i feel like's it wearing me out but deep down, i believe and know that as much as i say i can live without a man, i can't without guna. yes, i love that boy. and if i do decide to take up the 6 months, how wld it affect my r'ship? if things strengthen during this period, then i've been given a bonus but if the distance was too much to bear and we falter, then what will happen to us? what will happen to me? am i willing to take that risk? is this once in a lifetime opportunity, experience worth my relationship with him? another issue to ponder upon.

let's go back to my family. mum has never been away from us since the time we were born. for her to tell me that i should go since it's best for me and tt if that's what i want, she's not gonna stop me cos it's for my education must have taken alot of courage and strength. if she could give up on her biggest fear for me, why can't i give up this for her? i know how much it's going to make her worry and how upset and frightened she'll be at the thought of having her oldest faughter away in a foreign land. further more, i've lived a sheltered and protected life all my life!dad, he's forever encouraging. he has asked me to go but he too, i know is doing it simply because he knows that studying abroad has always been my dream and like i've mentioned in my previous entries, i must and will go to another country, if not for migrating at least to have a taste of what is like at the other side before i decide if it's singapore where i wanna live for the rest of my life. he has never stopped my from doing what i like and he's not going to do it this time too. see, how selfless my family can be? and yet i, so adamantly have expressed my intentions of leaving. and my sister, let's not even go there. the entire world knows i can't live without her. sigh.

it's funny, really. i go on and on abt wanting to leave, like i'm so ready and brave to take on a new world but the real truth is that i'm shivering inside and i'm scared like no other. afraid to take on this challenge much more than u'll ever know yet a part of me tells me that if i never grab hold of this one golden opportunity, i might never have it again and probably regret it for as long as i live and that in itself, dispells all other worries. maybe the time has not arrrived and nothing has been confirmed, that is why i can type this here with so much of courage. when the real time comes, i really have no idea on what i'll decided. gosh, someone save me!

i told dad that i'll never be like some people i know, who assured their parents that they'll definitely come back and then decide not to, that i only want to experience life abroad and that no matter what i will come back here for this is where i belong. but dad begs to differ. he says, the moment i go, my thoughts and mindset will somehow (whether i like it or not) will change and it'll not always be for the better.and to make matters worse, every single one of my friend who were once in my position and took the brave step in leaving are now telling me that they're never coming back! goodness, what were they thinking?! but then again, u'll never know will you? nothing is ever guranteed in this life, except death of course and i too, am no exception of this fact. i dare not say anything concrete for i'm afraid i'll change my mind afterwards. after all, change is the law of life isn't it? but really, am i that heartless to leave everything i have going on here for me, just for a better life over there? i mean, what is life without our loved ones, anyway huh? very subjective, isn't it?

this is madness! i really need some help out here. someone, tell me just what i shld do?!

well, i really wanna continue this entry regarding the sex clip i mentioned earlier and abt how the first 2 weeks of school is but i really am exhausted and my mind's not in a state to ejaculate (hahaha) words out properly so i think i'll stop here. more if i have time tomorrow yeah? u guys have a wonderful night. hugs!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
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