prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

with a heavy heart, i type this entry. as i click furiously on the keyboard, i can only wonder how someone whom i thought was a true friend, without any confrontation, assume that i cld be so evil as to do such a thing to her. if what i've assumed is indeed right.

yesterday, i realised something was strange yet simply couldn't put my finger to it. then i retracted back to the last conversation we had online and remembered i has said something abt her boyfriend (jokingly, of course and it has always been a way we disturb one another) and thought that had been the reason why she had been aloof with me the whole time but today, as i read her latest entry i realised that it had to do with more than that and that i had thought wrong the whole time.

there is alot of explaining on my part to do, i agree. and dear friend, if u are readin this, u will get the answers that you want by tomorrow and after that u will realise i have not in anyway betrayed your trust and there was no way in hell i cld bear to do that to you, whom i hold so dear. whoever is supposed to do the explaining will call you and after that we'll have a talk of our own.

u know what hurts? the fact tt u didn't trust me enough to confront me abt it and instead dropped hints to point a finger at me. i was rather taken aback last night but really had no idea why u were so strange to me and only after reading ur entry did i realise that something was amiss and did some finding out on my own. and when i asked u if u found out who did that to you, u practically snapped ur head off at me. i was rather startled but it got me thinking if u actually suspected ME of doing it but i dismissed that idea and went abt doing my own work reasoning out that u probably had a bad day. nope, indeed i was very wrong. u WILL get an explanation and that is the least i can do on my part but i can only tell you one thing - it was NOT me who did what u probably are assuming that I did.

i am not perfect with my language as well u know? i always have thought that there are millions of people out there who are brilliant in expressing their thoughts in words and i was nowhere near them and really, who am i to judge you? and most importantly, its you, like u mentioned, someone whom i've laughed and cried with; do u seriously think i'm a cold hearted creature? at least i'm glad u mentioned somewhere that u still do not believe it was me who did it cos u thought right. that, gives me back a spark of life. really, what do i gain by dissing you?

and to YOU, the creater of all this mess i have already given you her number to sort things out yourself! u do it and get back to me and we'll discuss where out friendship stands after that. i'm very, very disappointed in you and this joke u played my friend, am afraid that it backfired on you. you just lost yourself a very good friend, me. but then again, u made me lose one. so i guess it's all fair. karma, don't you think?

after everything has been said and done, i don't know if i will be able to treat things as normal and go back to the way we were cos after all, the hurt runs deep only if someone meant alot to you and this case is no different. i know u're not to be blamed cos u reacted based on the information u found but i wld have appreciated it if u came to ask me abt it. it seemed like u were convinced it was me. is that really how much you thought abt our friendship? sigh. but maybe a strong friendship will withstand the most brutal tests? i dunno. we'll let time decide. for now, i'm going to bed with a very, very, heavy heart.

i'm gonna lose 2 friends in a day.

is there a logic? a rule to all these coming and going? all these dislocation? is there a way to stay put, to embrace the present with every cell?

i can only wonder....

Friday, July 28, 2006
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- this shot was taken in the bus and i can assure you, all eyes were on us! damn paiseh man but well, this is how nutty we can get. if only hy was ard, it'll have been so much more fun! -

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
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- if u didn't already know, this is what we do after lectures in SIM. hehe! my essentials, over school! -

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
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- school is this fun because of this donkey! errr, i mean monkey! hehehe! -

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
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yay!yay!yay! did i tell you? my all time favourite 'One Tree Hill' is back! i love saturday nights and both wednesday and sunday afternoons! and my chad michael murray, awwwww, he still rocks my world. who cares abt johnny depp anymore! my sister can have him all to herself. haha!

anyway, guna met me for dinner after tuition yesterday. giri, guna's very good friend came to join us for dinner too, afterwhich we followed him to the singtel shop cos he was buying the N80 nokia phone. that guy is sure rich. that phone costs a freaking $1060 and there was no way in hell i'd spend so much on a phone. yes, no matter how spoilt i can be. hee!

after dinner, i had the most awesome walk with guna ever. i mean, i was clad in shorts and tee, he, in berms and tee and it was not one of those glamourous day out since it was an impromptu decision to meet up anyway and yet the night was so special. it had been a long time since we had spoken so much and yesterday, i remembered why i fell in love with this man 6 months ago. we just had so much of things to say to one another, joke about, exchange information and simply talk crap - and to me, that was essential in a r'ship. for a long while, i thought i had lost the reasons why we had gotten together in the first place and all pretty images of us had totally been diminished from my mind, maybe because we are both so damn busy to even have time for one another but yesterday surely did a lot of good and i'm glad that it happened and that i changed my mind abt meeting my friend and came to meet u instead.

we didn't have to meet everyday or talk everyday. i just know we'll make it through.

love you mister gunaraj! like tttttthhhhhhiiiiiiiisssssss much!

oh, how can i forget this? we ran into his ex gf, nazreen and then reshma and a girl he used to date, vidhya, all in just one night and one place, causeway point! yes, all his exes lived along woodlands. goodness! but funnily, i wasn't as affected as how i thought i'll be since we were hand in hand, laughing and joking about things. just the perfect picture ex girlfriends needed to see. haha! hey, i'm no bitch alright? this nazreen, is the same girl who called him to malaysia for a camping trip alone, knowing he was attached to me so don't you think i shld be at least a little mean to her? lol!

oh well, i'm just too happy to let anything bring me down so i'll bid adieu now. and while i'm basking in the new found happiness, you guys do tt too aight? hugs!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
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sometimes imitation isn't always the best form of flattery, especially not to me.
so please understand that i may not always be willing to share with you my ideas, thoughts and surprises.
mainly because, they belong to me and only me.
basically cos, it's my mind, my very own creations and they belong to me and noone else.
and if you can't conjure up such things on your own, then don't ask for too much.
do just what is within your ability and not ask for more.

and even if you do execute what is mine, perfectly, you know he or she isn't touched because of what you did but only because of what i racked my brains, for you.

technically, the reward belongs to me, not you.

so don't be too flattered, sinply because it's not you whom he sees in your eyes, but me....

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
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yes, they are gorgeous aren't they?not the models la, the tops and dress? and they only cost me $145.351. cheap, cheap!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
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gosh, this friendster horoscope thingy is freaky! trust me, it is! when vicky used to tell me it was kinda accurate, i thought it was all just a weird coincidence until i started reading it for myself. take yesterday for example. yanxia, suggested we do some online shopping at Victoria Secrets (a rather famous lingerie boutique) together so that we can share the shipping cost and so i went online to check out their stuff and realised that they not only sold lingerie but gorgeous dresses, tops, jeans, shorts, pants, heels, accesories as well. wow! and so, me being the shopping fanatic got myself 2 tops and a gorgeous dress while xia got herself a couple of dresses and heels. yes, she a much more bigger fanatic than i am. haha. and so it was settled. and right after that, i decided to check my friendster and randomly clicked on the horoscope thingy and guess what it said - although u might be tempted to splurge this month, it's advisable you don't for other important matters might require the cashflow and it's better u put it aside for a rainy day -

wa lau! i almost chocked, boy! now, how coincidental can tt be? and the other day, when i had a tiny misunderstanding with guna, it said soemthing about how i should be tactful and learn to relax, otherwise it cld make matters worse with my loved ones. and this continues. freaky, freaky, freaky.

but then again, the horoscope thingy surely did not stop me from buying the tops and dress. see, some things just don't change. spoilt me! hah!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
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- alright, and this is the last one for the day. that's it for now. more updates and photos later yeah? tata! -

Sunday, July 23, 2006
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- errrr, this is a tad too white eh but what can u get from a camera phone eh? -

Sunday, July 23, 2006
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- and this was taken with a motorola v3 and i think it turned out pretty well and for once i showed my whole face up front to the cameras. yes, now all of u know that i have a round face -

Sunday, July 23, 2006
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- this picture, i like, i like, i like -

Sunday, July 23, 2006
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- we were trying too hard to impersonate the models and i thought i almost pulled it off but shir sure looked funny -

Sunday, July 23, 2006
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threesome - from left to right; yanxia, jeetha and shirlene.

Saturday, July 22, 2006
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while people try out clothes in changing rooms, we prefer to take photos. yes, how bimbotic!

Saturday, July 22, 2006
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that's shir and me over at pepper place, a japanese restaurant situated at takashimaya. for those who are adventurous with food, do go and try it out yea?

Saturday, July 22, 2006
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21 july 2006

finally, the much postponed dinner plan with xia and shir materialised on friday. there was so much of catching up to do and catch up we did. we had dinner at this place in taka called 'pepper lunch' and goodness, the food was d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s! if anyone of you happen to be in taka and are thinking of eating somewhere, try 'pepper lunch' which is situated just next to mos burger.

xia has become so much prettier and is doing very well as a stock broker in sgx and is having a time of her life with cornelius. and she is a part-time student in SIM doing econs and finance! that girl sure knows how to handle her time in the most productive manner but then again, thats yan xia for you. hah!

shirlene is doing what she always loved. she is a rugby coach and she is coaching primary sch kids and rgps happens to be one of them. my sch. and she too is pursuing her degree in edith cowan uni, majoring in sports science. and tt pretty thing is single unlike xia who seems almost married to corny, living with him and all. lucky pig! hee!

and as for me, i'm sure u guys know la ah?
i'm just glad tt despite our busy lives we still have the time for one another and hold ourselves close to our hearts, putting aside time for one another. ok, i'm getting emotional again so i'm gonna stop here alright? hee, but not before i post some pictures we took last night for you guys!

Saturday, July 22, 2006
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- during one of my recent conversations with guna -

guna: you get your way alot, don't you?

me: always. i am horrible, except you have been mostly impervious to my wheedling ways.

deep down, i know that i can be quite unreasonable and demanding and yet refuse to admit it straight in the open. and to have a boyfriend who can condone and tolerate every one of this flaw, i think i've got the best i can ever get.

- i love you despite the things we go through. u, are one in a million -

Saturday, July 22, 2006
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this is rather random but i have to say it.


I. AM. A SUBWAY. ADDICT.

i have been having various different types of sandwiches from subway for the whole of this week, for most of last week and last, last week and last, last, last week. hahaha! oooooo, i love SUBWAY! i am a subway addict. i like :P

Friday, July 21, 2006
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- dedicated to you, my best friend, my personal jester, wicky boy. thank you -

Thursday, July 20, 2006
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19th July 2006

Did i mention that i've been blessed with some of the sweetest friends in my life? Especially Wicky boy? He surprised me by popping by SIM yesterday just to see me. Now how sweet is that? He called me right after class ended, directing me to some part of the school where he was 'hiding' and voila! there he was, right in front of me, with a huge, sheepish grin plastered on his face! *such a sweetheart. always full of surprises for me*

Too bad i had tuition that evening or else i'd have hung out with him a little longer. We had a hilarious bus ride to Woodlands, talking abt almost everything under the sun and we were both pretty grossed out abt a certain clip tt has been circulating ard the past few days. The indian community is way too small for my liking and it freaks me out! Yikes, no matter where you go or what you do, you're bound to be spotted by some fellow Indian who knows either your friend or family!

See, I'm deviating! As I was saying, we had a rather interesting bus ride afterwhich he dragged me to Delifrance for a light dinner (since i was on a diet. haha) and if that was not enough, he forced ice-cream into me (so much for dieting eh?)! I'm well fed, really. That probably explains the size ah? *hehehe* And with that, I left for tuition and he headed back home.

But really, that's not the real reason I'm writing this entry. It was something that he said during our conversation at dinner that triggered me to write this. You see, Wicky boy wasn't really happy abt me getting together with Guna right from the start as they've had some misunderstanding in the past before. Wicky boy, is my best friend; Guna is my boyfriend. I, on the other hand was like the chicken pattie, sandwiched between the buns. When I had issues with Guna, I cld not possibly confide in Wicky boy for the fear of him telling me "I told you so" and saying anything at all abt Wicky boy got Guna disinterested in the entire conversation which lingers on for the whole night. Deep down, it was Wicky boy who was more against Guna than did Guna against Wicky boy. Sigh. 2 men who loved me the same but in different ways yet couldn't get along with one another. And at the same time, neither one stopped me from communicating or going out with the other. They simply ignored one another's presence.

Until yesterday. Out of the blue, WB mentioned tt he, Jasmi (his gf)), Guna and myself should go out for dinner next week. I swear I could have fainted! No kidding! W-H-A-T! Yes, I had heard right and he had went on to explain abt how he'd been bias and thought Guna was not the one for me, that he wouldn't be able to keep me happy and I'd probably be miserable with him since he was just not-my-type. Ok, now just what was MY type, I wonder. Trust my best friend to have really high expectations on whom I shld date. And he said, the least he cld do for me was to be friends with my bf and he loves me enough to do that. I was really, really touched, I swear.That's just so typical of him! Well, I guess the past 6 mths had proven WB wrong and he was able to see that I've never been more happier with Guna and that probably got him to mellow down his impression of Guna. He agreed he was bias as well, due to their previous misunderstanding. And this new found relief has done me alot of good. Guna as well but he pretends to be nonchalant about having it resolved (you know, men and their ego?) but only I knew how he was affected abt his gf's best friend not being entirely in favour of him or this r'ship. It's all good now.

A rather interesting dinner plan awaits us next week and I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Oh well, it's a happy ending after all. Yay!

Thursday, July 20, 2006
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i have got a thousand things i wanna blog but i just dunno how to start. abt my foreign exchange programme over in the states and the dilemma i'm in regarding leaving , a sex clip of a fellow friend which has been circulating and the ooos and aahs abt it, my relationship with guna, school, tuitions.. sheesh, just where do i start?

ok, let's talk abt my exchange programme. it's an exchange programme in the united states of america for a period of 6 months. yes, it sounds really exciting and the thought of being in a new country with new people, new environment, new culture and everything else new makes me wanna jump at the opportunity but at the back of my mind, the thought of leaving my family, especially my sister, my friends, guna, my comfort zone and everything else familiar makes me shudder.

if i decide to leave, will i ever want to come back after i've tasted the other side of the world? wld singapore be no longer good enough for me? will i become too involved in the present and neglect my past? will i hurt and anger my parents and rebel against coming back? then i come to my relationship. i admit there are times i feel like i wanna break free from the commitment cos i feel like's it wearing me out but deep down, i believe and know that as much as i say i can live without a man, i can't without guna. yes, i love that boy. and if i do decide to take up the 6 months, how wld it affect my r'ship? if things strengthen during this period, then i've been given a bonus but if the distance was too much to bear and we falter, then what will happen to us? what will happen to me? am i willing to take that risk? is this once in a lifetime opportunity, experience worth my relationship with him? another issue to ponder upon.

let's go back to my family. mum has never been away from us since the time we were born. for her to tell me that i should go since it's best for me and tt if that's what i want, she's not gonna stop me cos it's for my education must have taken alot of courage and strength. if she could give up on her biggest fear for me, why can't i give up this for her? i know how much it's going to make her worry and how upset and frightened she'll be at the thought of having her oldest faughter away in a foreign land. further more, i've lived a sheltered and protected life all my life!dad, he's forever encouraging. he has asked me to go but he too, i know is doing it simply because he knows that studying abroad has always been my dream and like i've mentioned in my previous entries, i must and will go to another country, if not for migrating at least to have a taste of what is like at the other side before i decide if it's singapore where i wanna live for the rest of my life. he has never stopped my from doing what i like and he's not going to do it this time too. see, how selfless my family can be? and yet i, so adamantly have expressed my intentions of leaving. and my sister, let's not even go there. the entire world knows i can't live without her. sigh.

it's funny, really. i go on and on abt wanting to leave, like i'm so ready and brave to take on a new world but the real truth is that i'm shivering inside and i'm scared like no other. afraid to take on this challenge much more than u'll ever know yet a part of me tells me that if i never grab hold of this one golden opportunity, i might never have it again and probably regret it for as long as i live and that in itself, dispells all other worries. maybe the time has not arrrived and nothing has been confirmed, that is why i can type this here with so much of courage. when the real time comes, i really have no idea on what i'll decided. gosh, someone save me!

i told dad that i'll never be like some people i know, who assured their parents that they'll definitely come back and then decide not to, that i only want to experience life abroad and that no matter what i will come back here for this is where i belong. but dad begs to differ. he says, the moment i go, my thoughts and mindset will somehow (whether i like it or not) will change and it'll not always be for the better.and to make matters worse, every single one of my friend who were once in my position and took the brave step in leaving are now telling me that they're never coming back! goodness, what were they thinking?! but then again, u'll never know will you? nothing is ever guranteed in this life, except death of course and i too, am no exception of this fact. i dare not say anything concrete for i'm afraid i'll change my mind afterwards. after all, change is the law of life isn't it? but really, am i that heartless to leave everything i have going on here for me, just for a better life over there? i mean, what is life without our loved ones, anyway huh? very subjective, isn't it?

this is madness! i really need some help out here. someone, tell me just what i shld do?!

well, i really wanna continue this entry regarding the sex clip i mentioned earlier and abt how the first 2 weeks of school is but i really am exhausted and my mind's not in a state to ejaculate (hahaha) words out properly so i think i'll stop here. more if i have time tomorrow yeah? u guys have a wonderful night. hugs!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006
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and that's the whole thing. i like :)

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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that's the bouquet!!

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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yay! we turn a good 6 months today. ok, it's not like it's a big deal after being in a 5 year relationship before but then again, it's still another month and it's still an anniversary and i have got every right to be happy! hehe.

we didn't do anything grand or romantic of course, but we did meet up for dinner and i got a lovely sunflower bouquet that came with a cute little teddy bear. and pls don't ask me what i got cos err, i didn't get anything for him. i mean it was 6 mths and i thought it had no significance but trust guna to come up with little surprises.

okok, now i am a bad girlfriend right? :(

never mind, i'll make sure the 1st year anniversary will be a blast *winks*

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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these people fill up the holes in my life, really. ok, that includes the seafood gang also. and yep, my bf who hardly ever has the time to hang out with us cos he's always busy, busy. busy! but oh well, i still have them.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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haha, i'm loved.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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yea, that's how retarded we are. or rather, he is but then again, he's just being himself. varman, my very own celebrity friend. hahaha.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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after 'pirates of the carribean' at grand cathy.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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this is so prom, i swear. and no, we're not attached to one another. there is only one couple in this pic and they're the first one on the left, vijay and sandhya.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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and captain sparrow is here again, with his antics and remarkable acting. yes, 'pirates of the carribean, the dead man's chest' is out and vicky, kamini and myself were delighted to watch it on the day of opening itself. in grand cathy. the new cinema certainly did live up to its name and the movie, needless to say. johnny depp, is indeed an actor. one of great worth. those of you, whose contemplating on watching it don't bother asking yourself if it's worth watching. go. and then decide for yourself.

anyway, varman, raj and neeta came to join us for some slacking time in PS after the movie. it was the first time we met neeta (raj's love interest) and i thought she was a really nice girl. very genuine, bubbly and down to earth. not bad at all. somewhat a perfect match for raj, after all. too bad, i had a 7pm class that evening, else i wld have spent the entire day with them but oh well, priorities, priorities. i had to keep reminding myself that *winks*

so yea, so much that thursday.

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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our wonderful seafood dinner evening - from left to right: kamini (the aussie babe), sudhan (the ever philosophical nerd), fabian (the WRX owner who provides thrilling rides), vicky (the cam-whoring partner), me (yours truly), jay (the one we adore and vijay's evil twin), sandhya (the epitome of feminity), vijay (the rather gd looking twin of jay) and we make up the new contestans of 'BEAUTY and the GEEKS'. Hahahaah!

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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school has officially started. again. and that means it's back to being stressed, piliing assignments, deadlines, insufficient time for already zero-ing social life, neck level commitments and energetic tuition kids! gosh, just typing these things out is making me break out in cold sweat. this holiday was spent rather well, if i say so myself. kamini got back from aussie and tho it was only for a period of 3 weeks, we still got to spend lots of time together, vicky and i have been successfully keeping up with our exercise regime and much to my satisfaction, there are been pple asking me if i've lost weight (yay), i had developed a sudden interest in soccer and am proud to say that i'd stayed up for almost every game during the world cup which surprised everyone especially senthil (haha), jay went missing from our lives for awhile but he's back now and i didn't realise how much i had missed him until that dinner, finally had our long overdue ICS girl's reunion which turned out much better than expected. girlfriends are essential, i tell you, headed to sentosa for kayaking session with my lovable SIM gang and a couple more times with others, had a couple of pure slacking sessions with varman, raj and gang, got myself a thrilling ride in fabian's wrx which i'll nvr forget in years to come (i'm thankful i'm still alive and kicking after all that swerves, really), had beautiful day outs with guna (which have become a luxury these days due to our hectic lives. we see very little of one another but i guess that's life when u are a grown up eh? priorities differ, dun they?), finally finished up my driving practicals and am awaiting my test later this year (pls pray that i'll pass the first time ard pple), got a grip on my life, my education, my career, dreams, future, relationship and everything else that needs reflecting, got my first credit card, yes, credit card. dad is a platinum card holder and he cld appoint 2 person as his supplementary card holder so he got deepa and myself a credit card each (have i told u that i've got a dad whom not even god can remotely dream of having? cos he's that wonderful? he's my hero, really for so much of reasons i can't explain). so u can see, i spent the 2 mth break in the most productive way possible and that probably explains why i hardly had any time to blog. it's well-deserved after all, aye?

and.... as i scroll down my blog to read what i've written in the past month i realised that it's all full of words and hardly any pictures. now that's b-or-i-n-g! thus, i'm gonna upload some pictures which i've taken recently to brighten up the page. i'm not really in the mood to type anything interesting today so i guess that'll be it for now and dad's leaving overseas for some business trip. we're gonna send him off at the airport so i gtg now. till later, ta!

Sunday, July 16, 2006
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