prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

it's really frustrating how your emotions play with your mind. today, u can be so mad at someone and tomorrow, all you can do is love him more than yesterday. and i too, am no exception of being spared from such emotional fluctuations. it's wearing me out. seriously.

last night, i was THIS close to asking for a break up cos i just couldn't handle the ridiculous issues that came up between guna and myself but today, after all the reasoning out and clarifications and alot of soul searching, i've come to a point of realisation that he's probably the best i've ever gotten and will ever get in a long, long time to come. his high threshold for patience, is truly a virtue and i didn't deserve it. not one bit. uh-uh.

yes, the reason behind the argument last night was without a doubt, him but i blew it out of proportion, pushed him beyond his limits and yet he never lost his cool. i saw a monster in myself last night, a vision i nvr thought i cld ever conjure up and it scared me. scared me because i'm slowly realising i'm not that great a girlfriend as i thought i was. i am temperamental, petty, egoistic, highly critical, unreasonable, demanding and the list cld go on. god, i suck. and despite all the madness and shit i put him through, he never once wanted to call it quits. never once wanted to walk away from this whole thing. he never once pinpointed my flaws. never once complained that he didn't like what i was doing. never once used my weaknesses against me. never ever denied me the way i wanted to live. and these cold, hard facts makes me cringe at myself in disgust.

in my relationship with senthil, it was clear who was the better one. me. but with guna, no matter what others say i know that he is indeed, the better half.

and today, i feel like i have never felt before. that i was not worthy of him, his love and this relationship. yes, this comes from a girl who thinks that no guy is worth her love and even if they do, not all of it.

i've asked for a temporary break with him. no, not because i didn't love him but becaused i loved him much more than i cared to realise. i needed to curb my temper, cos it has belittled him in such ways that cannot be explained. i needed to learn to be tolerant of others' and their habits. i needed to give him back what he truly deserves and until i can, i'm not going to hold him back with me.

- wishing i'll become who i want to be much faster than i desire. i hope i make it through -

Sunday, June 25, 2006
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