prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

 

Foto Decadent
 

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

Today, as I sit in front of my laptop, I can't stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I discovered a very, very painful truth just a few seconds ago and the degree of intensity in the truth only rips my heart into a gazillion pieces. Even my sister's normally-always-guranteed-to-make-u-feel-better hugs didn't work. Not this time anyway. My mind's a whirlwind, pools of ugly thoughts/images swirling through the gray matter, violently, almost driving me to the brink of insanity. Just when I thought the going couldn't get any tougher, it gets ridiculously mad. I smile, I joke, people ard me laugh all the time, why even I fake it almost every other hr but this time I can no longer take the pain I feel. I can't mask my emotions any further for the overwhelming feeling of breaking down is almost too much to bear. All the noise of my personality is a mask and when it slips off, on the rare occasion, the vulnerability riddled through me is always a shock. I've got a good mind to pen down every single mind boggling thought in here, but as always my reservations abt just who might change upon my blog distills the idea.

I need to get away from this madness. I'm being ridiculed to an extent I no longer feel I'm the smart, intelligent girl I'm supposed to be or at least the image I'd conjured up of myself. I feel dumb, stupid, naive, made use of and every other negative describing word u can come across. An adjective, you call that? Is it me OR is it me? Return me back my sanity, give me back my peace. I just want my old self back and only YOU have it in you to bring myself back to me.

Don't try to understand this entry cos it's not meant to be understood. If you did, then it wouldn't have been an issue to begin with. Just keep me in your prayers and wish and hope I'd get over the battle of life, victoriously and if I don't, at least I'll come out stronger.

Isn't tt was life is all abt?
About living?

Is it really?
I can only wonder...

Saturday, July 30, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -