{SUNSET JOURNEY}

prologue

Name: Sajeetha
life is for living, need i say more?

*loves:
the family, him, them; my friends
anything arty farty, the literary arts, theatre
dolphins
travelling, always unfolding something new
dining in places with ambience to kill for (it's a hobby.hah)
r etail therapy
all things indian
enlightening conversations
candles
angels, fairie,pixies, gnomes, smurfs(br>

*loathes:
the one who stabs u in ur back
death of dear ones
all that flies or has wings
the complications of all types of relationships
not knowing
those who try so hard to be me

wishlist

red/purple crumpler bag
new urban male jersey
new birks
that oh-so-gorgeous watch from esprit
that beautiful converse bag
a white i-pod nano
that new dgital camera which screams buy-me!
the bikini from billabong
a new pair of funky spectacles
truckloads of best-selling novels
a whole new art materials collection
a new wallet that fits the enormous card collection of mine

fellows

nady,the sweetie pie
vicky, the blur sotong
charlotte,the doctor in the making
sivanes, the smart-ass cuzzin
LV, the gorgeous pearly
sarah, the clubbing chica
sujatha, the indian actress look alike
nadia ameera, the lost pri sch mate who was found
lynette, the sports fanatic
hemma, the evil twin
vanessa, popular for all the wrong reasons

express

Foto Decadent

{bygone}

July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x]

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Her betrayal is magnificent, astounding, incomprehensible. It's HER actions I can't understand. I've always assumed she was the one person I'd have my whole life, not, perhaps my mother or my future husband. She's a woman. She knows the rules. I'm not interested in an excuse, nothing can put it right, for anything she says will be overwhelming by the violence of the loyalty ruptured and my howling pummelled heart.

Maybe the definition of a best friend was not accurately put across to her.

Sigh.. for those of you, my avid readers - Yes, I'm gg through quite a bit in my life right now and I've only got this blog to vent my anger, frustrations and wad not. My previous entry and the one right now, deals with 2 very seperate issues so don't make any assumptions that one has got anything to do with another. They don't. Both are loved ones tho, one's a best friend and the other boyfriend. How sad eh?

The weekend is bogging me down. I think the absence of the trio in sch on Friday is doing me damage. I can't wait to get my daily dosage of such madness on Monday.

Admist all the going ons, I had my first council meeting last noon. We got to know all the new council members and had an ice-breaking session which lasted for almost 3 hrs or so. My editorial team, fortunately, is the most 'happening' team and I can only thank god for that. The other 2 teams which make up the council are the Student Relations and Events Dept. My Deputy Head of Edit, Jane is W-O-W! Tho the rest of the main comm seem a bit intimidating and tend to present themselves as symbols of status, they're nevertheless a fun bunch of people, who manage their priorities very well and also try to have the most fun they can ever have!

I'm proud to be a part of them and the thing which surprised me was - I made up 100% of the Indian population in the entire council, which meant I was the ONLY Indian there. To me, that was a good thing. Don't even ask me why.

Back to the editorial team, there were abt 11 new members who joined in and as a matter-of-fact, almost all if us were similar in one way or another and it really didn't take much persuading or prompting for us to break the ice and form aquaintaceships which will in time bloom to become lasting friendships * I hope so* Then just as we were gg to the canteen to have lunch, a girl by the name of Joanne, also from Editorial came up to me and said:

Joanne: " Hey, you're a writer right? As in, you've a passion for writing?"
Me : " Yea, I love to write. I don't think I'm tt great a writer or something but I love what
I can do with words"
Joanne: " I knew it. You look like a writer. When I entered the room and saw you, I just knew
you'd be Editorial as a writer"
Me : Really??? Thank u so much, u made my day. Haha"

I swear she said tt and it was the most flattering compliment I've ever heard myself in mths. And the sincerity she added in her sentence, simply made a not-so-great day become fabulous, even if it was for a teeny, weeny while. And as u wld have already guessed, we clicked immediately. Hehe.

Editorial isn't only abt writing for the school mag. It's way more than that. You design the mag cover, the layout, write the articles, have proof-readers who overlook the entire issue, interview people, source out for sponsorships and a whole lot more.. tho we'd be asked to specialise in a particular area, Jane did promise we'd be allowed to dirty our hands in all the other aspects as well. I seriously can't wait for the official commencement of council and of course, the bash on August 16th at 'Gotham Penthouse'! Err, it's a club and I reckon my dad's gonna allow me to go for it but I'll try my luck anyway. So many activities to look out for this week:

1) Visit to primary school - 2 August
2) Council Initiation Day in Sentosa (Recruitment Camp) - 6/7 August
3) Shakunthala, play held in Victoria Theatre - 7 August
4) Dinner with Thana - anytime of the week
5) Dinner with Sujatha whose back from Manchester
6) Dinner with Chandru whose back from Adelaide
7) Dinner with Nadia whose back from Aussie
8) Dinner with Puja whose back from London
9) Charlotte's 21st B'day Party - 14 August
10) Council Bash - 16 August
11) Sivaram's 21st B'day Party - 17 August

Boy am I screwed! Admist all these, I've got abt 3 assignments due next mth! Talk abt living life to the fullest! Heh!

Saturday, July 30, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Today, as I sit in front of my laptop, I can't stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I discovered a very, very painful truth just a few seconds ago and the degree of intensity in the truth only rips my heart into a gazillion pieces. Even my sister's normally-always-guranteed-to-make-u-feel-better hugs didn't work. Not this time anyway. My mind's a whirlwind, pools of ugly thoughts/images swirling through the gray matter, violently, almost driving me to the brink of insanity. Just when I thought the going couldn't get any tougher, it gets ridiculously mad. I smile, I joke, people ard me laugh all the time, why even I fake it almost every other hr but this time I can no longer take the pain I feel. I can't mask my emotions any further for the overwhelming feeling of breaking down is almost too much to bear. All the noise of my personality is a mask and when it slips off, on the rare occasion, the vulnerability riddled through me is always a shock. I've got a good mind to pen down every single mind boggling thought in here, but as always my reservations abt just who might change upon my blog distills the idea.

I need to get away from this madness. I'm being ridiculed to an extent I no longer feel I'm the smart, intelligent girl I'm supposed to be or at least the image I'd conjured up of myself. I feel dumb, stupid, naive, made use of and every other negative describing word u can come across. An adjective, you call that? Is it me OR is it me? Return me back my sanity, give me back my peace. I just want my old self back and only YOU have it in you to bring myself back to me.

Don't try to understand this entry cos it's not meant to be understood. If you did, then it wouldn't have been an issue to begin with. Just keep me in your prayers and wish and hope I'd get over the battle of life, victoriously and if I don't, at least I'll come out stronger.

Isn't tt was life is all abt?
About living?

Is it really?
I can only wonder...

Saturday, July 30, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Thursday, July 28, 2005

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Adrian from the RMIT's Student Council just called!!!! I'm IN, I'm IN, I'm IN! Yes, Saisajeetha Palanisamy has gotten past the interview and into the RMIT's Student Council as an editor for their magazine. Yep, I'm in Editorial! How awesome! Wooowee!! It's like a dream come true.
Hey Lyn, now you don't have to beat the President up anymore cos they took me in! Am so H-A-P-P-Y! *lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala*

Hehe, so now the first step. Attend their meeting this Friday at 12:00pm. There's Initiation Day (Recruitment Camp) held in Sentosa, a 2 day-1 night chalet on the 6th & 7th August and it's compulsory for all council members to attend. Damn! Now I'm screwed! On the 6th I've bought tickets to catch 'Sange Muzhangu', a cultural musical/production by NUS's Indian Cultural Society and on the 7th I've bought tickets for a play by Nitralaya called "Shakunthala" held in Victoria Theatre. Nisha and Thamarai are dancing and I'd promised them both I'll be there to show them my support. Furthermore, Anitha's gonna kill me if I'm not gonna turn up cos she was hoping I'd be her company. Uh oh.. I'm in trouble. Oh well, I gotta come up with a solution now that there's too many overcrowding in my schedule.. So while I sort out my plans, you guys take a look at my pretty pics aight?

Night loves... Sweet dreams.

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Senthil's reluctant absence from my life isn't taking that much a toll on me as I'd expected and I can only think of one ultimate reason right now - the presence of my wonderful angels in SIM. And who wld they be? Lynette, Hongyan and Jeanette.

Yup. The hugs I receive, the funny jokes they crack to see me crack up on even the slight pat on the back is a big comfort and I cld have never asked for more. What wld I do without these precious ones, I wonder... Don't get me wrong. It's not as if my other friends were not there for me, of course they are! People like Vicky, Gayathri, Guna, my sister, Yanxia, Charlotte, Ju have all been there to lift me up from my sorrows from the beginning till the end and I truly appreciate their acts of affection from the bottom of my heart.. its just tt since I spend 3/4 of the day with the above mentioned bunch and in tt span of time, they do their all to make me lift up my corners for this one, very simple reason - I am their friend.

How many times do u click with people u've barely known for a month? It's not tt easy and these guys make me feel like I've known them for a lifetime... I love you guys, so much! Hugs!!

With tt out, school's starting to stress me up but only a teeny, weeny bit. I haven't exactly started to feel the real adrenaline rush from all the assignments I'd have to submit, maybe I will when the deadline approaches. One thing I've learnt in SIM is that you've gotta READ alot if you wanna pass, and I mean pass not even a distinction. Just a simple pass. And when I say READ, I meant READ WIDELY, READ EXTENSIVELY! I shall let you in on a secret - 4 textbooks/research books are not enough to get u a distinction. Yep, that's what Peter Burrows, my MOR lecturer claimed during our very first lecture and I guess I'm starting to see his point. Whoever said being a student was easy? Show him to me and I'll shoot him dead!

*stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress*

But I'm surviving through it all *sajeetha sings I'm a survivor by Destiny's Child* Heh.
And taking alot, alot of pictures helps me relief my stress. Cool eh? Oh and did I mention? Kamini's presence in sch is disturbing alot. Each time I see her face, even merely her reflection I start feeling nostalgic. Those memories start haunting me and I lose my sanity for that split second. If someone shot me at that point, I wouldn't feel it. Too numb. My nerve endings have quit functioning but my mind was as sharp though. How facetious. If only that part of me would shut down. Then I wouldn't be aware of her existence and I woulnd't feel the way I do.

*why? why? why? why? why?*

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Did I just mention that things btw me and Senthil are smooth sailing? I must have been dreaming. It's over. Not because of me or him this time, but simply because its impossible to fight a losing battle over the parents. Screw it. Not much point in holding on is there?

Nada. Zilch. Zero. It's goddamn over and I can't find tears to shed. Only anger and fury manifest my mind. The need and the want to break something or hurt someone keeps haunting me. My pain has turned into something violent. I want people to hear me, hear me crying for help, to hear me plead for mercy, to hear me beg for inner peace, to hear me beg god to take me away. I am no longer vulnerable. The hurt and pain only makes me evil and I desperately want the poison in me to detoxify. I hate the person I see in the mirror, I hate them, I hate the world. What have I become????!

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Silly Lynette and the other 3 beautiful chicks *hehe*

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

This WOULD have been a perfect shot if Hong Yan didn't hide herself!! And trust me, Lynette isn't all so sweet and sugary as she seems in the pic. She's a real sportswoman - hehe. Ok, now I'm gonna get killed!

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Taken yesterday, after lunch at Ngee Ann. It was supposed to be a serious pose but I got played out by the other 3 at the last minute. Hmpf. Poor Hong Yan, Lyn cut off her right eye. Hehe..

Thursday, July 28, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Monday, July 25, 2005

Hehe.. Couldn't resist the urge of putting this up! The Beauty and The Clown. Wahahaha! Taken during happier times (k, its not sad now but these were times were we always hung out together but now we've gotta fix appt cos of our busy schedules). I hate adulthood! :P

Monday, July 25, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Sunday, July 24, 2005

School these days are a joy. The lecturers are of good quality and the wonderful friends I've made are worth the while. Lynette, Jeanette, Hong Yan, Laila and Vinne are god-send, I swear! Ooooh and I got shortlisted for the Student Council's 2nd interview. I honestly believe I did a pretty good job at the interview. If they do call me back in a week's time, means I got it and if they don't, well, it simply means they lost an invaluable asset. Hehe. Just keeping my fingers crossed. So much for school.

Things btw Senthil and myself have never been better. I only find my affection for him growing, despite what others have to say. 2 independent individuals, treading towards the same destination. Different paths though. We'll see where life brings us to. And.... PUNITHA darling finally called!!! The relief tt flooded through my is udescribable! Boy, I've missed that woman in bunches. It's weird how she calls at the right time, when my life is in a mess. Haha! Can't wait for our 'reunion' with Anitha next week. A trip down poly days! YIPEE!!

And we all lived happily ever after! Hehe...

Sunday, July 24, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Man, I'm so pissed! I typed this really lengthy entry last night to have it all gone because of some server problem and just when I was abt to have it saved. How annoying!

Sheesh! So much has been happening ard me lately I hardly have the time to keep up with my blogging routine. I've learnt alot of hard lessons the past week and found out alot of truths abt certain someones whom I held so dear to me. I've come to a realisation that you can almost never trust anyone but yourself these days. The very people you think you can trust your lives with are the ones who are plotting to destroy you. How much more cruel can the world get?

I know that Suren might never read this entry but one day, if he happens to chance upon my blog I'd want him to know how very sorry I am for getting him into unneccesary trouble, unintentionally. I never knew she'd bring you into this ordeal, nvr was aware of whatever she said cos if I did, I wouldn't have allowed it to have happened. You don't deserve this shit and and all I can give you are my apologies. I'm so very sorry Suren. Truly. Don't hate me.

Now that I've got that out of my heart, life has perked up a little since Thursday maybe because I met up wit 2 of my many lucky charms, Jumana and Guna.

Met Ju (finally) for lunch at Great World and that was probably the best decision I had made for the entire week. Lunch was accompanied by a constructive conversation and lots of memories of secondary school, memories which can never be forgotten for they are deeply embedded in m y heart. Pouring out my woes to Ju did a great deal to my system and I felt much lighter than I had in days. Nothing beats the feeling of catching up with a old friend over a cup of coffee. Ju was an angel who volunteered to meet Senthil on my behalf to provide him with a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on if circumstances disallow me to be there for him. Now how many friends wld go that extra mile for you? She will and that is precisely what makes her so special. I love you babe, many many *big hig*

Just as lunch was over, Guna called asking to meet. He wanted to catch a movie as it had been quite some time since we had met. Yes, he was so right! I hate the labour force for stealing Guna away from me. Hmpf! And so we caught 'The Fantastic 4' at Tiong Bahru and the movie did live up to its expectations. I liked it anyway. After the movie, just as I was abt to take the escalator down to the MRT station, Guna pulled me by my bag and asked where I was going. To the mrt station to take a train back home of course, I replied. Then he said he was gonna drop me off I assumed tt he would be taking the same train with me till Buona Vista and then proceed on to Woodlands after that. But no, that was not what he had in mind. Instead he said:

Guna: No stupid, we aren't gg back by train today. I'm sending you back in my car and my
driver's waiting for us outside.
Sajeetha: (Knowing tt joker very well) Yea, whatever pandi. Stop your nonsense. Let's get going.
Guna: Hey, I'm not kidding la. Seriously, come.

Just as I was abt to turn and walk away towards the station, I caught Guna waving to this guy in a car. Gosh! He was not kidding. Indeed there was a guy who was seated in the driver's seat in a car, waiting for us!!

Sajeetha: Oh my god! Pandi, who's that?
Guna: Ahh.. don't underestimate Mr. Gunaraj ok. I told you right. Anyway, my Lexus is in the
workshop so I asked mty driver to bring the Nissan instead.
Sajeetha: (amused) Hahaha, very funny!

And when we finally reached the car, guess who was in the car???? DEEN!! Guna had made Deen the chaffaeur for the day just so tt he could send me back home in a car, a complete 'date' package! Awwww, that's the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me in months. Too bad Guna was my best friend and not my boyfriend. Damn! *hee hee*
These are some of the reasons why Guna holds a special place in my heart and why our fights last barely an hour and why I could never be angry at him for long. Each time things get awkward btw us for whatever reasons, he always makes it up, double the time. But at the corner of my heart, lies a fear - One day, when he gets himself a girlfriend, will things still remain the same then?

The ride back home was fun. Deen acted his part well as did Guna as his employer, even going as far to exclaim how he was gonna dock Deen's pay because he didn't get off the car to open the door for me. Spending time with these 2 clowns was worth everyting for it gurantees you abundance of laughter.

Sunday, July 24, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Ahhh, what eye candy! That's Prem and Sinthu with us in the picture. Another freshie..

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

From left: Pradheep, me, Naren, Deepa, Raj, Ponvili and Lavanya.

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

This was taken today (23.07.05) in NP Sport's Complex. The ICS boys were having a soccer competition from 9 to 4 this morning and we were there to cheer them on!! Check out some of the 1st years.

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Doesn't she look like a Japanese doll? Hehe.. neway, there are more pictures but stoooopid Lynette refuses to send them to me. So once she sees this comment abt her, I hope she becomes a gd gal and sends me all of em. Muaahahahahah!

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Though our faces are cut, I still think there's something pretty abt this picture.. Can't figure out what though..

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Lynette, Hong Yan, mua and Jeanette in SIM's canteen yesterday after lessons.

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Why didn't I see it coming?
Why did I believe that maybe, just maybe this time you'll be true to our friendship.
You proved to be a malicious liar, a liar who ended up saying a tad too much.
Maybe you should have shut up at the right moments, then you wouldn't have caused so much shit.
You did more damage than help.
Thank you but no thanks.
Why must u get him, the innocent involved when this whole thing was only abt me to start with?
If I'd wanted my parents to know abt his gf, I'd have said so myself.
Now u just screwed the whole thing up and and apparently have to be the one who couldn't shut up.
Seriously, just what the hell are you trying to prove?
Sometimes, it makes me wonder if u did indeed deserve all the shit that's happening to you now.
All these and so much more.
For the lies, for the betrayal, for the hurt you inlfict upon me and a whole lot of others.
Maybe there's a reason why people pick YOU of all the others to bitch abt.
Maybe there's a reason why you're the chosen one behind all that nasty rumours.
Rumours? Now I wonder. So you say. Yeah, I believe you.

Now look here missy.
You think I only know abt what you chose to tell me but think again.
I know so much more, so damn much more.
I only play your game, a game in which u started but got lost along the way.
Hah.
You got trapped in your own game missy.

Once bitten twice shy.
Twice bitten, never try, they say.
Stupid me, paid no heed.
Now I sit, in defeat.
You were foolish, they all said.
And yea, they were all YOUR friends.
Look ard you lady. Look with your eyes.
I feel sorry for you, you ain't have no true friends.

A friend to me you are, you said.
A bunch of bull, I say.

So just get outta my life and outta my way!
We aint friends, no more!

Saturday, July 23, 2005
- - - - - - - - - -

Monday, July 18, 2005

Isn't he so damn adorable? Trying to be IT saavy at the tender age of 9 mths. Tsk, tsk. And the 'pottu' looks so cute on him. Argh, I could eat him alive!